Q: Should I let my partner/family know my assets? Should I do a prenup or a trust?

In 30 seconds: Don’t nickel-and-dime. Married couples already have shared property — at divorce everything goes on the table and is split in half, and premarital assets barely count after ten years — so a prenup, a “joint account + personal accounts,” or hiding assets mostly just “feels good” and does “nothing at all” to protect your money. The real solution is to find someone with close values who won’t nickel-and-dime — don’t even harbor the thought “if we divorce I’d lose half.” Only if you’re inheriting a huge sum is a prenup worth considering. For inheritance (a Living Trust), give equally to children and their spouses (love me, love my dog); don’t believe the “your inheritance gets taken by a divorcing outsider” ad pitch.¹

Variants (how people actually ask)

“Should I let my partner/family know my assets? I’m afraid I’ll be expected to hand them over, and refusing gets me called selfish.”
“My child is getting married and the two have very unequal incomes — should they do a prenup (pre-up)?”
“A prenup + a joint account (for household expenses) + separate personal accounts — is this good for the marriage?”
“For the Living Trust’s beneficiary, should I name my own child, or the child’s family (including the son/daughter-in-law)?”

Should the partner know your assets? — the issue isn’t “knowing,” it’s “nickel-and-diming”

00575 a member’s worry: after letting her boyfriend know her assets, she fears being expected to hand them over, and refusing gets her labeled “only thinking of yourself, selfish” — so shouldn’t she keep assets from her partner/family and set boundaries? James didn’t teach her how to “hide,” but lifted the question a level:¹

Nickel-and-diming over money is itself the problem. “If a couple starts talking money and nickel-and-diming, that’s bad — the future gets very messy.” Whether or not you hide assets is just a symptom; mismatched values are the disease.
So his advice is “find someone with closer values — that’s probably better”: rather than setting boundaries to guard against your partner, choose from the start someone who won’t pressure or nickel-and-dime you (extends the same scene where a member co-signs her boyfriend’s loan, see 該不該當保人或借錢給朋友).

Prenup / joint account: mostly just “feels good”

Another member asked: my child in New York is getting married, the two have very unequal incomes, should they do a prenup? Friends all say “splitting money so clearly hurts the relationship.” One arrangement is prenup + a joint account for household expenses + separate personal accounts. James’s view:¹

There’s no good/bad; if both agree, it’s fine, and parents shouldn’t opine. If both feel a joint account for groceries makes it easy to see monthly spending, “that’s fine too.”
But it protects no assets. In a community-property state, a prenup / personal accounts “do nothing to protect your assets, they just feel good” — because at divorce everything goes on the table and is split in half.
Premarital assets get diluted to almost nothing: “Ten years into marriage, what do premarital assets even count for?” Post-marriage assets far exceed premarital ones; at division the premarital slice “is almost gone.”
The only exception: unless the other side inherited a huge sum (James exaggerates “hundreds of billions”), a prenup might be worth a thought; otherwise not needed.

Mindset: don’t even harbor the thought “divorce would cost me half”

James brings it back to the essence of the relationship — calculating is a harbinger of marital failure:¹

“The person who marries you — even if your assets get split in half, you having more and giving him half is worth it, because he once loved you too.”
Only by not calculating can a marriage possibly succeed; calculate, and failure is certain. “He earns less, I earn more, at divorce I’d have to give him half, aren’t I losing out — you shouldn’t even harbor this thought.”
His attitude toward his own daughter: “the person who marries you, giving him half your assets is worth it.”

Inheritance (Living Trust): give equally, love me love my dog

The same member then asked: should the Living Trust’s beneficiary be “my own child” or “the child’s family”? James’s approach:¹

Give equally to children and their spouses: “Whatever I give my daughter, I’ll surely give the other one (son/daughter-in-law) the same.” Under community property, giving your daughter already gives the family, so insisting on distinguishing — “what’s there to distinguish?”
Love me, love my dog: a son/daughter-in-law, “however badly they treat you, is still your child’s other half,” so extend the affection.
Don’t believe the ad pitch: lawyers, accountants, and YouTube ads love to scare you that “the inheritance you leave your child gets taken by a divorcing outsider” — James rebuts directly: “You’re not even gone yet, so how does the money become an inheritance? Once you’re gone, why care so much?” (For the actual inheritance tools — step-up, cash inheritance for overseas assets — see 欠錢不還與資產傳承.)

This is of a piece with 子女是風箏: after financial freedom, it’s relationships that decide happiness, not counting money precisely.

Answer log

2026-07-25 (00575): a member (should the partner know my assets) → the issue is nickel-and-diming, find someone with close values; another member (prenup / Living Trust) → under community property a prenup just feels good, premarital assets barely count after ten years, give inheritance equally and love me love my dog, don’t believe the “taken by an outsider” pitch.¹

🔎 This is an evergreen question: marital property, premarital assets, and “don’t nickel-and-dime over money” appear in 00234, 00236, 00243, 00252, 00256, 00366, 00372, 00462, 00551 and others (keyword hits, content pending verification); the core stance is stable long-term — shared property, don’t calculate, inherit equally.

⚠️ Prenups, trusts, and marital-property division depend heavily on local law (whether a community-property state, estate and gift tax regimes); this page only organizes James’s spoken values stance, not legal or tax advice; consult a local professional for specific planning.

CLEC James, 長篇 00575 “What truly teaches you is not the result, but the process!”, 2026-07-25, should the partner know my assets @1:02:00–1:03:30 and @1:09:00–1:09:30 (“finding someone with closer values is probably better,” “a couple starting to nickel-and-dime is bad”), prenup / joint account / Living Trust / love me love my dog @1:42:30–1:51:30 (“community property … what do premarital assets count for after ten years,” “giving him half is worth it, because he once loved you too,” “whatever I give my daughter I give the son-in-law,” “you’re not even gone yet, how does the money become inheritance”). Transcript in raw/transcripts/長篇/00575…. ↩ ↩² ↩³ ↩⁴ ↩⁵ ↩⁶