Q: Should I let my partner/family know my assets? Should I do a prenup or a trust?

In 30 seconds: Don’t nickel-and-dime. Married couples already have shared property — at divorce everything goes on the table and is split in half, and premarital assets barely count after ten years — so a prenup, a “joint account + personal accounts,” or hiding assets mostly just “feels good” and does “nothing at all” to protect your money. The real solution is to find someone with close values who won’t nickel-and-dime — don’t even harbor the thought “if we divorce I’d lose half.” Only if you’re inheriting a huge sum is a prenup worth considering. For inheritance (a Living Trust), give equally to children and their spouses (love me, love my dog); don’t believe the “your inheritance gets taken by a divorcing outsider” ad pitch.¹

Variants (how people actually ask)

“Should I let my partner/family know my assets? I’m afraid I’ll be expected to hand them over, and refusing gets me called selfish.”
“My child is getting married and the two have very unequal incomes — should they do a prenup (pre-up)?”
“A prenup + a joint account (for household expenses) + separate personal accounts — is this good for the marriage?”
“For the Living Trust’s beneficiary, should I name my own child, or the child’s family (including the son/daughter-in-law)?”

Should the partner know your assets? — the issue isn’t “knowing,” it’s “nickel-and-diming”

00575 a member’s worry: after letting her boyfriend know her assets, she fears being expected to hand them over, and refusing gets her labeled “only thinking of yourself, selfish” — so shouldn’t she keep assets from her partner/family and set boundaries? James didn’t teach her how to “hide,” but lifted the question a level:¹

Nickel-and-diming over money is itself the problem. “If a couple starts talking money and nickel-and-diming, that’s bad — the future gets very messy.” Whether or not you hide assets is just a symptom; mismatched values are the disease.
So his advice is “find someone with closer values — that’s probably better”: rather than setting boundaries to guard against your partner, choose from the start someone who won’t pressure or nickel-and-dime you (extends the same scene where a member co-signs her boyfriend’s loan, see 該不該當保人或借錢給朋友).

Prenup / joint account: mostly just “feels good”

Another member asked: my child in New York is getting married, the two have very unequal incomes, should they do a prenup? Friends all say “splitting money so clearly hurts the relationship.” One arrangement is prenup + a joint account for household expenses + separate personal accounts. James’s view:¹

There’s no good/bad; if both agree, it’s fine, and parents shouldn’t opine. If both feel a joint account for groceries makes it easy to see monthly spending, “that’s fine too.”
But it protects no assets. In a community-property state, a prenup / personal accounts “do nothing to protect your assets, they just feel good” — because at divorce everything goes on the table and is split in half.
Premarital assets get diluted to almost nothing: “Ten years into marriage, what do premarital assets even count for?” Post-marriage assets far exceed premarital ones; at division the premarital slice “is almost gone.”
The only exception: unless the other side inherited a huge sum (James exaggerates “hundreds of billions”), a prenup might be worth a thought; otherwise not needed.

Mindset: don’t even harbor the thought “divorce would cost me half”

James brings it back to the essence of the relationship — calculating is a harbinger of marital failure:¹

“The person who marries you — even if your assets get split in half, you having more and giving him half is worth it, because he once loved you too.”
Only by not calculating can a marriage possibly succeed; calculate, and failure is certain. “He earns less, I earn more, at divorce I’d have to give him half, aren’t I losing out — you shouldn’t even harbor this thought.”
His attitude toward his own daughter: “the person who marries you, giving him half your assets is worth it.”

Inheritance (Living Trust): give equally, love me love my dog

The same member then asked: should the Living Trust’s beneficiary be “my own child” or “the child’s family”? James’s approach:¹

Give equally to children and their spouses: “Whatever I give my daughter, I’ll surely give the other one (son/daughter-in-law) the same.” Under community property, giving your daughter already gives the family, so insisting on distinguishing — “what’s there to distinguish?”
Love me, love my dog: a son/daughter-in-law, “however badly they treat you, is still your child’s other half,” so extend the affection.
Don’t believe the ad pitch: lawyers, accountants, and YouTube ads love to scare you that “the inheritance you leave your child gets taken by a divorcing outsider” — James rebuts directly: “You’re not even gone yet, so how does the money become an inheritance? Once you’re gone, why care so much?” (For the actual inheritance tools — step-up, cash inheritance for overseas assets — see 欠錢不還與資產傳承.)

This is of a piece with 子女是風箏: after financial freedom, it’s relationships that decide happiness, not counting money precisely.

The question in reverse: what if I’m the economically dominant one?

The 2025-07-31 chat room flipped this question over, and the answer is harder. A member from mainland China described a friend who moved to the US a decade ago: her husband is an IT executive holding a large Tesla position, and she has everything at home except money of her own. She understands investing and knows she should buy the index — she just can’t get the principal, and has been visibly unhappy and insecure for years.²

James didn’t treat this as a “should she know” question but as a question of who controls allocation:²

“Just tell me what you want, I never said no” doesn’t count: “Every time we want to buy something we have to ask the husband for money — that isn’t freedom.”
“Who are you? Are you the emperor? Why does the husband become the emperor and the wife a palace maid, asking the emperor for money every time? That’s wrong.”
Two acceptable arrangements: (1) assets in one joint account — she has the credit and debit cards, buys what she wants, no questions asked; (2) a fixed transfer into her account (Taiwan: at least NT$50k/month, NT$100k if you’re wealthy; US: at least US$5,000/month; or NT$600k–1M every six or twelve months). “Half the husband’s salary going into your account is normal and appropriate.” A non-working spouse in the US can also put $7,000 a year into a Roth IRA.
Why this isn’t only about the couple: mothers who spent their lives with their hand out often raise daughters who are controlling and insecure (“mother drilled into me that I must control my husband’s money”), which sets up the next unhappy marriage.

“Only a family that shares can be happy… At home, don’t keep score — have love.” This is the same principle from both ends as the top of this page: not keeping score means neither guarding against your partner nor using money to build a hierarchy. The full method for family financial communication is in 家庭財務共識.

Answer log

2025-07-31 (chat room 0001): the reverse case — a member from mainland China asked about a friend whose husband holds a large Tesla position while she has no money of her own → community property; the economically dominant partner has an obligation to move money into the weaker partner’s account (joint account with no questions, or a fixed transfer); “don’t be an emperor”; the outstretched hand gets passed down.²
2026-07-25 (00575): a member (should the partner know my assets) → the issue is nickel-and-diming, find someone with close values; another member (prenup / Living Trust) → under community property a prenup just feels good, premarital assets barely count after ten years, give inheritance equally and love me love my dog, don’t believe the “taken by an outsider” pitch.¹

🔎 This is an evergreen question: marital property, premarital assets, and “don’t nickel-and-dime over money” appear in 00234, 00236, 00243, 00252, 00256, 00366, 00372, 00462, 00551 and others (keyword hits, content pending verification); the core stance is stable long-term — shared property, don’t calculate, inherit equally.

⚠️ Prenups, trusts, and marital-property division depend heavily on local law (whether a community-property state, estate and gift tax regimes); this page only organizes James’s spoken values stance, not legal or tax advice; consult a local professional for specific planning.

CLEC James, 長篇 00575 “What truly teaches you is not the result, but the process!”, 2026-07-25, should the partner know my assets @1:02:00–1:03:30 and @1:09:00–1:09:30 (“finding someone with closer values is probably better,” “a couple starting to nickel-and-dime is bad”), prenup / joint account / Living Trust / love me love my dog @1:42:30–1:51:30 (“community property … what do premarital assets count for after ten years,” “giving him half is worth it, because he once loved you too,” “whatever I give my daughter I give the son-in-law,” “you’re not even gone yet, how does the money become inheritance”). Transcript in raw/transcripts/長篇/00575…. ↩ ↩² ↩³ ↩⁴ ↩⁵ ↩⁶
CLEC James and a member from mainland China, chat room 0001 “Investing in VTI, VT, SPY will also make you poor…,” 2025-07-31, the friend with no money of her own and James’s response (“are you the emperor?” / two acceptable arrangements / spousal Roth IRA $7,000 / the outstretched hand passed down / only a family that shares is happy) @2:40:30–2:57:30. Transcript: raw/transcripts/閒聊/0001…. Amounts are spoken approximations. ↩ ↩² ↩³