Your parents' old age: care costs, splitting it with siblings, and the paperwork to finish before incapacity

In 30 seconds: Your parents’ old age is your own financial risk, and an unbudgetable one — James spends about NT$1.2 million a year (NT$100k a month) caring for his mother; another member estimated NT$700k a year for his, plus NT$200k for a hip replacement, and “we thought she wouldn’t last long — it went on another four years.” Three things must be finished while your parents are still lucid: (1) get their own money organized first; (2) put the authorizations in place (online banking, pre-registered transfers, authority to sell securities); (3) put the rules in the open (who manages the money, monthly statements). Handle it only when you need it and it’s usually too late — your parent may no longer be able to sign.¹

Splitting it with siblings: don’t start

One member’s problem is typical: she and her siblings are in very different financial shape; when their parents need support, the siblings’ attitude is “not my problem,” and the parents’ is “you’re better off, so you cover it.” It feels unfair, and she doesn’t know how to raise it.²

James’s first words: “Don’t do it.”²

Don’t take it all on just because you have more. “Your siblings never asked you to carry it — but because you feel well-off, when mom is hospitalized or needs something, you buy it. Over time, siblings come to see it as a given.”
“A given” is irreversible: “Later, when you try to reverse it, they’ll be the ones who can’t understand.”
Where the line is: be generous on small things (meals, treats); large financial commitments to the family, don’t take on at the start.
He endorsed what she was already doing: handle purchases for elders quietly with her mother, and never put money on the table publicly.

The real fix: get your parents money first

“The way to avoid this is to do your parents’ financial planning early — if they end up with their own assets, you and your siblings don’t have to split anything.” So “if you can, take an interest in your parents’ finances and suggest a good investment for them.”²

In practice parents usually get stuck in one of two places:²

Stocks but no cash flow: this member’s parents had held TSMC for years and lived off the dividends — for two people, with medical costs, “it might be a bit tight.”
They refuse to carry debt: “I’m already sixty-something; I don’t want debt on my shoulders, it feels like pressure.”

James’s angle isn’t persuasion, it’s laying the options out so the parents choose: “Fine — then you’ll need to talk with your children about how much each gives you every month. Otherwise where does the caregiver’s pay come from?” — either the siblings split it, or a reverse mortgage pays for it. Your role is coordinator: “Bring the problem up and put it on the table — then nobody dares tell you to pay it.”²

🔗 For how reverse mortgages work, who they suit and the usual objections, see 該不該以房養老; for choosing between a HELOC-style credit line and a reverse mortgage, see 房地產與指數基金的退休現金流. The dividing line is simple: if your parents can’t even cover living costs, it’s a reverse mortgage; if their cash flow is already fine and they just want to activate the property, it’s the credit line (HELOC).³

Financial authority before incapacity: the part most people skip

“Too late” has a concrete meaning: by then your parent may not be able to sign anything, and the reverse mortgage can no longer be arranged.²

What James does himself (he manages his parents’ bank and brokerage accounts):²

What to set up	Why
Take your parents to the bank to pre-register transfers to the children’s accounts	Siblings who front medical, care and living costs can be reimbursed; whoever manages the money settles monthly
Be able to log into their online banking	Utilities, phone bills, everyday bills
Sign an authorization to trade on their behalf	After incapacity the securities can’t be sold — James’s mother had one brokerage account he didn’t manage, and it stayed frozen until she passed and it became part of the estate
Whoever manages the money publishes a monthly statement	Assets, liabilities and flows in the open — “nothing that everyone doesn’t know about”; mutual trust is what makes it workable

How to put it to an elderly parent: this isn’t taking anything now, it’s getting ready — “I can have the login for when it’s needed, but you’re still the one managing it. When the time comes I can pay the electricity bill and trade the securities, and I’ll show you every expense.”²
If they don’t want to disclose their finances: talk about consequences — “One day you won’t be able to sell securities, transfer money or pay your bills. Who does it then? By the time you truly can’t, you can’t even sign at the bank.”²
Bank trusts are for people without children; if you have children, this should be theirs to do. “Do you trust the bank or your daughter? Settle that first.”²
It doesn’t have to be everything: his mother only carved out part of her accounts for him to manage — “that isn’t all of it.” His father’s accounts and securities he manages entirely.²

Put the money rules in writing first

James’s counter-example: all the siblings are in the US and only one sister stayed in Taiwan to care for the parents. The mother wants to put NT$15 million (or the proceeds of a house) in that sister’s account, “so mom can pay from there when she needs it.” Good — but state it clearly up front:²

If the NT$15M isn’t used up, is all of it the sister’s? Say nothing now and after the mother passes “everyone will argue that the money has to come back” — a mess.
The suggested framing: “This NT$15M sits with me in a separate account, and spending comes out of it. If it runs short, mom takes out a home-equity credit line. Whatever’s left is probably mine. The house, the siblings split.”
Money your parents hand you to hold should sit in its own account, reported monthly (quarterly if untouched).²

“Caring for a parent alone truly can’t be measured in money — I’d rather pay. Caring for parents is a blessing; but if we’re talking about interests, no amount of money would make me want it. The problem is: our willingness doesn’t make it free from the other siblings’ point of view.” So “the money question must be crystal clear — no muddling through.”²

The scale of care costs: unbudgetable

	Amount
James caring for his mother	≈ NT$1.2M a year (NT$100k a month), for one of two parents
A business-owner member in Tainan, for his mother	≈ NT$700k a year, plus a NT$200k hip replacement

That member’s key point wasn’t the amount but the duration: “We all thought her serious illness meant she wouldn’t last long. But I’m telling you, you cannot budget this — my mother went on another four years.”⁴

When parents leave no assets, the capable children carry it. He has seven siblings; only he and one brother actually hold the family up. He once proposed the others contribute “just NT$2,000 each” — “a lot of them couldn’t produce NT$2,000.” James’s summary is blunt: “If the parents have no assets at all, the one with money really does carry more — because there isn’t even an estate.”⁴

His own takeaway: “So being a parent matters — if you really will need your children’s help, being open about it is better.” And to young people: “The money you’d spend on a BMW or a Benz, save it and invest it… inflation is terrifying.”⁴

Don’t put off medical care: treat your parents’ health as your own

This part comes from the previous week’s chat room. James’s father was 91 at the time — still hiking, walking, hailing his own Uber and taxis, and recording YouTube videos onto a 1TB drive (James taught him). Beyond DNA, the key was that every physical problem was dealt with promptly:⁵

Both legs got artificial joints (“he has iron legs now, he walks powerfully”)
Surgery on his lung and gallbladder
Dizziness → a carotid stent. A neurologist told him “nobody puts in that kind of stent”; James refused to accept it and went to a cardiovascular surgeon — “he doesn’t do it; that’s not the same as nobody doing it.” The dizziness stopped (before that, he had fainted and fallen in the bathroom)
Numbness and pain in the legs → spinal surgery; the second time the doctor “couldn’t see a problem” at first, so they kept pushing until a bone spur hiding inside was found. Two operations in all — “otherwise he’d be disabled”

His three conclusions:⁵

Don’t defer pain and illness — with modern medicine, “don’t say it’s just aging so I won’t see a doctor. There’s no such thing.”
Don’t misunderstand medicine: e.g. “don’t stent the elderly” — a coronary stent is done by an internist, “it isn’t surgery, it doesn’t even count as a cut; a needle goes into the vessel.” (Minimally invasive spine surgery is mature now too.)
Treat your parents’ health as your own: “An elderly person lying in bed develops dementia fast, and soon all of you siblings are tied up caring for them — you’re finished.” — Taking care of their health is what protects your own old age. “As for longevity: with medicine this advanced there’s almost nothing that can’t be solved, except late-stage cancer.”

⚠️ This page summarizes personal experience shared by James and members in a CLEC chat room. It is not medical, legal or tax advice. Taiwan’s pre-registered transfers, agent authorizations, voluntary guardianship and brokerage power-of-attorney rules vary by institution and change over time; the same is true of US POAs and reverse mortgages. Confirm directly with your bank and a professional before acting. All amounts are spoken approximations.

Synthesized from CLEC James, chat room 0002 “More important than investing; how to keep family finances from causing family conflict,” 2025-08-08, transcript raw/transcripts/閒聊/0002…; and chat room 0001, 2025-07-31, raw/transcripts/閒聊/0001…. ↩
Chat room 0002, 2025-08-08. A member’s sibling-split question and “don’t do it” @05:00–11:30; get the parents invested first, the coordinator role, parents who refuse debt @09:00–14:30; authorizations before incapacity (pre-registered transfers / online banking / trading authority / monthly statements / no trust needed if you have children) @15:00–23:30, @59:30–1:00:30; the NT$15M in the sister’s account must be spelled out @1:14:30–1:16:30. ↩ ↩² ↩³ ↩⁴ ↩⁵ ↩⁶ ↩⁷ ↩⁸ ↩⁹ ↩¹⁰ ↩¹¹ ↩¹² ↩¹³ ↩¹⁴
Same session, James on the dividing line between a home-equity credit line and a reverse mortgage (cash flow sufficient → credit line/HELOC; can’t cover living costs → reverse mortgage) @40:30–42:00. ↩
Same session, a business-owner member in Tainan (mother’s care ≈NT$700k/yr + NT$200k hip surgery, thought it would be short but it ran four years, seven siblings but only two able to carry it, NT$2,000 was beyond most of them, the terror of inflation) @50:00–58:30, @1:02:00–1:03:30; James’s summary @1:03:00–1:04:00. James on NT$1.2M/yr for his mother @52:00. ↩ ↩² ↩³
CLEC James, chat room 0001, 2025-07-31, his 91-year-old father / prompt treatment / carotid stent / two spinal operations / treat your parents’ health as your own @2:12:30–2:17:30. Transcript: raw/transcripts/閒聊/0001…. ↩ ↩²